Jimmy Parsons, local 12-year old and school attendee, announced today that he would begin his two year plan to “escape from the tyranny of the Mom Empire” and “finally legalize human/anime marriage”.

Due to last year’s unsuccessful push to eliminate gun violence, congress successfully pushed a bill into law banning the use of T-shirt cannons. Sporting arenas have become a safer, more family-friendly environment, but at what cost?

Tonight in Washington, congress will be voting on the Bank Protest Fee Bill. A bill which may determine the country’s fate after the Occupy Wall Street protest local banks were unable to cash in on.

A new teen trend grows and seeks to destroy another generation. We’ve got the information you need to stay informed and protected. We’ll keep you informed as the situation unfolds.

Chocolate is just another candy we can all enjoy… Or is it? Many large corporations under the banner of The World Cocoa Foundation may be able to take complete control over the world’s cacao trees, which could spell disaster for the average chocolate consumer!

Here’s what the introduction we’re going to force people to sit through every time they watch the show looks like. Remember, this news broke here first!

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