As you have probably heard by now, the latest trend for teenagers is growing at a much faster rate than adults are comfortable with. As per tradition, they are turning to corporate media to vent their frustration.
“I am very concerned!” Soccer mom #3 said. “I don’t understand it yet, so my only reaction is controlled panic.”
It is currently unclear how this new trend will ruin today’s youth, but many local parents are quite certain it will. “I took away all their trendy-looking stuff.” Totalitarian parent #7 stated. “I refuse to allow fun to corrupt my children. I had fun when I was a child, and later I took up smoking! I’m not going to let that happen to my kids.”
We sent an investigative reporter to find out what all the fuss was about, but he was over 25 so even after hours of research he still had no idea what he was talking about.
The new trend also comes at a bad time for America, which is still recovering from Pokémon and the short-lived comeback of yo-yos that is still somehow keeping teachers busy and their confiscated item drawers full. “When you see a trend starting, just look at history”, modern historian Bill Churchington stated. “No generation has ever come out of a cool trend with their dignity and self-value intact. We’re in a position today to prevent this from happening to the new generation, but parents just aren’t taking a strong enough stand. Their children will suffer socially in the near future because of that inaction.”
As grades plummet and attention spans drop, the future looks bleak. Experts recommend keeping your kids in the house and to close off all their lines of communication to the outside world until the fad passes by.
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